Loyana's Letters - III

Terrible times befall us all dearies. It wasn't all that long before Niki was enamored with my persona. Love? He was, still is, incapable of loving anyone. Niki wouldn't know love if it danced naked in front of him. He's always mistaken love for being a pure, crystal clear emotion - as fine as a diamond of the first water. Little did he know that love is pain. Sharp, tangy, a double edged sword that cuts both ways. Poor boy still looks for it.

I know because I can still hear his voice weaving soft moonlit threads into dreams before my eyes. "We'll find love one day Loyana. It'll be hiding behind a tree, underneath a seashell on the shore, in a lily in a garden, underneath the leaves of a Gulmohar. We'll find it Loyana. In the soft earlobe of a baby, in a blue silk ribbon, in a fine cotton sheet, in cats' paws, in seesaws - anywhere and everywhere. But we'll never share it. With anyone. Least of all with each other."

I would have liked to tell him then what I'm sharing with you now, you'll find love alright. But not in any of those places. You'll find it in a girl's tears, in a mother's anxiety, behind a father's grim facade, hidden under layers of toughness, concealed as carefully as a pirate's treasure in a big wooden trunk, as meticulously as an ageing actress' wrinkles. You won't find it coupled with happiness. It comes with a veneer of sadness - be it mine or yours, young or old, rich or poor, far or near. It will always, ALWAYS bring sadness and distress with it.

Niki went looking in all the wrong places. I didn't. But he got lucky and I? I'm still looking........

Loyana's Letters - II

Hello again. I walked into his class that day with the intention of venting my ire on a few juniors. I was feeling PMSy and in absolutely no mood to embroil myself in a serious argument, just a little verbal sparring to get me worked up. Unfortuantely, for him that is, Niki was the only one there worth bothering with.
I settled myself on to the desk meant for teachers. It was purely an act meant to intimidate, and then I had no respect for the profs. Lecherous buggers with out a single strand of moral fibre in them. I hated them more than I hated the lechers who populated the local hangouts making it difficult for a girl to move through those places without a bodyguard.
Looking back at it now maybe I should have stuck to my original plan. But then his hangdog expression and his puppy brown eyes made it very difficult for me to resist. I wanted to get up, shut the door and kiss him, make love to him, quite literally fuck him into submission but then my better sense prevailed and I began my little game of seduction.
I started it off just the way they like it - attention, attention and more attention. One of my stock opening lines - "Why are you so lonely?" came in handy,I could literally see his mind succumbing to the drug that my voice was injecting into his core. A nice little combination of poison and ambrosia, guaranteed to make men slaves over a period of time.
I've always been a charmer and honey I'm telling you,he fell for it, hook line and sinker.

Barsaat, Brownies, Cookies and Coffee

Coffee. Hot, rich, frothy - with just the right amount of chocolate and caramel. Served in a thick mug that let you wrap your hands around it to keep warm. The kind that would slide down your throat releasing an ecstasy that is seldom replicated by sex.

Cookies. The Chewy kind. With raisins. And nuts. Delectable. Delicious. Take a nibble. Take a sip of coffee and let the sensations trip over your tongue. Enjoy the tantalising taste to transport you into a place close to heaven.

Brownies. Warm, fragrant, dripping with chocolate and moistness. Icecream on the side. Vanilla. Real Vanilla. Sweet. cool.

Barsaat. Rain doesn't cover either the emotion or the intensity. Barsaat. Water gone wild with joy. Water drumming against everything that it comes in contact with. Wetness in the air. Coolth pervading the atmosphere. Slowly the chill comes in contact with your exposed skin. Goosebumps erupt.

Another paradox comes alive. Warmth is slowly moving through your body. The coolness is running its thin icy fingers along your skin. You're caught between the two. Both sensations are enough by themself to make you lose your senses, together their melody suspends your state of self.

I looked at Loyana across the steam rising from my cup. The rain had come down unexpectedly, but by then we were already safely ensconced in the warm environs of her favorite coffee shop.

"You look tired," She said,"Coffee?"
"What kind?" I said
"Would you like to pick your own or should I order for you?"
"Whatever you say, I'll go with your choice."

And an hour later we were still there looking at each other, surveying each other like opponents before a fight. I was panicking. Understanding exactly what getting hot under the collar really meant.

She broke the silence. Cut through it cleanly. A warm knife moving smoothly through cold butter.

"You've been enjoying yourself."
"Yes, I have. Is it that obvious?"
"I'll assume that to be a rhetorical question."
"It wasn't but then since you've put it that way I'll take your word for it."
"So about our little arrangment........"

Panther - like seamless shift in movement. A toss of her elegant hair. An adjustment to her chiffon sleeve. Freedom granted to her lovely earrings to sway in the breeze.

"What about it? You want delivery?"
"No darling. I couldn't care less. Your benefactor does?"
"My benefactor? What's the difference between you and 'my benefactor'?"
"Me? Your benefactor? I'm just the messenger darling. Or the procurer. Or if you prefer it, the Pimp. With a capital P."

And with that, she tossed her head back and began to laugh.

Hell IX

I'd known that she wouldn't leave me alone. I knew what was owed and to whom. I just didn't know when she'd come calling to collect her dues. I had no knowledge either of what exactly was expected out of me. What form her pound of flesh would take would soon be apparent.

The phone rang early that day. March was coming to a close. I was sleeping the sleep of the contented and I wanted to carry on dozing. I didn't want to get out of bed. That delicious feeling of false security was intoxicating my senses, making me think of nothing except my own comfort. So I was justifiably annoyed when the phone rang. It made me want to shout at the caller. I almost did, until her dulcet tones sent a small shiver of anticipation down my spine.
"Hello," she purred,"How have you been?"
"I'm good, how are you?"
"Never been better. So I hope I'm not disturbing you but I think its time we had a little chat."
"So what we are having right now is....????"
"A short conversation to ascertain a mutually agreeable time to meet personally and charter unfamiliar territory my sweet, I hope that's technical enough for you?"
"Yes. So when and where?"
"After you get off work. Once you're done, give me ring and I'll pick you up."
"Okay."

Silence. An all encompassing silence that resounded like cymbals clanging in the evening prayers at the temple in my grandmother's backyard.

I got up shaking the last vestiges of innocence from my self and walked into the washroom.

Loyana's letters - I

Loyana. Loyana Sharma. Not bad Niki. I always thought you'd rechristen me in manner that would make me cringe. But you haven't disappointed me. What I do feel hurt about is that I thought that I meant something to you. I thought that if for nothing else, for friendship's sake you'd keep what happened to yourself. You wouldn't put in on a public platform. But since you have, lets give everyone something more than just your jaundiced jargon as food for thought shall we?

Dear reader, here is how I remember it -

The College Canteen. My exclusive domain. A place that was my lair and my sanctuary. An open air clearing where I held court and allowed my broken heart to heal after yet another joker dashed it to the ground. Men. Ba______s! Who needs them? I'd rant and rave and entertain my dear audience. There never was any dearth of admirers. So why the hell did I pick Niki? I don't know. He just walked into the canteen one day. Sauntered in rather. His eyes reflecting more hunger than the intelligence that he came to be known for.

He simply marched up to the little shack that sold food that was barely edible yet he bought and ate a burger with such obvious relish that told me much more about his finances than he would have cared to admit. I was falling in love then. With a boy who would ultimately betray me in the most cruel manner possible. And at that point of time I simply tossed Niki into a pile of has beens / not my types and went back to my adoring crowd. Darling I simply thrive on attention you know. And if a boy has no time for my charms, well he's not worth bothering about is he?

LOL darlings. More later. Ciao.