The shortcut off step six.

Dante in his seminal work Inferno provided graphic descriptions of hell and the structure of that dreaded place where virtue’s twin would be punished for eternity once the lifespan of the individual was over. His vision was disputed in his lifetime and still provides fodder for intellectual discussion today.

That heaven and hell exist is indisputable, where and in what form is what matters the most and which no one to date has been able to answer. I called Loyana and in the process I opened up a short passage way that brought me to the gates of hell.

She didn’t waste any time on the usual banal pleasantries.

“You need money to make up your tuition,” she said.

“News travels fast,” I said.

“No, I happen to know that I ‘m your first and last resort, I understand you better than you know yourself.” I don’t think that she ever spoke a truer word in her entire life.

“So do you have any suggestions? I mean, twenty grand isn’t small change.”

“I’m aware of that. Let me see what I can dig up. Mean while you had better ask yourself just how badly you need the cash. I’ll try to call in a few favors. But, I’m warning you this is not going to be easy.”

“If it were easy do you think I’d be calling you?”

“Honey, you’d be calling me any which way. I’m your only hope.”

And so she was. It was better that she knew. I couldn’t place my trust in any one else. No one would understand. I’d tried telling some of my other friends. They hummed and hawed and mumbled something about Personal loans and Credit ratings before hanging up on me. I was desperate and the only straw at hand was Loyana.

I didn’t have to wait long. Short cuts usually take less time. Before I knew it I was standing at the gates of hell and the sight through the bars wasn’t pretty.

The Sixth Step

There days when you wake up thinking that today is going to be your lucky day. I woke up that day without any such premonitions. It would be another mind numbingly exhausting day. I’d walk through it safe in the knowledge that I would be able to deal with whatever life was going to throw my way and yet at the end of the day I’d be tired.

I’d sink onto the pile pf blankets and mattresses and let the warmth seep into my bones. Then with great difficulty I’d rouse myself and shock my senses into reaction with a splash of cold water. The mind numbing cold that tasted raw on the skin, the rush of blood, the body’s feeble attempts to keep warm – it would all jolt me into action.

I walked into the Institute thinking about the latest assignment, I’d managed to get good grades so far and I wanted it to continue. The swirling voices dipped and fell. The sensations my skin had felt were repeated on my ears. An ingratiating harshness that would leave its mark. I walked into the institute not bothering to realize that all my classmates were clustered around the notice board. I didn’t care much. Then out of the blue somebody stopped me and asked me to sign a petition.

It took my poor cold addled brain only a few seconds to fathom that the petition was in protest of the hike in tuition fees.

I stood there not knowing what to do. I didn’t have the money and I had absolutely no idea where I was going to get it from. I was already working in most of my free time and I didn’t study in the few hours that were left then I might as well give up right now.

The whole day passed by in that blur of indecision. The messages from my classmates that the decision had been deferred till the end of the month didn’t make it any less frightening. The basic fact was that I would have to find some cash and find it fast.

Any sane person would argue that I should get a raise or loan from my boss. Any one who knew my boss would know that it would be easier to rip the head off a stone gargoyle and ensure that it spouted real blood but getting cash out of my boss was one of the words that can be counted as a synonym for impossible. My boss doesn’t hate me, he abhors me. And I’m being charitable here.

Most of my life I’ve tried to live with dignity. Wherever possible I would try to put my value system into practice. And so far it hadn’t let me down. I’d lived my life believing that things get better only if you try. Although the initial shock had been a bit too much I wasn’t about to let go. It wouldn’t hurt though to be prepared for the worst that was yet to come.

I tossed and turned through the night wondering what exactly the bets course of action could be. I’d even envisaged going to my boss and explaining my predicament. I thought about asking for an advance on my salary and then paying it off but then all those scenarios crumbled in the face of what I knew would be his answer. Don’t get me wrong here. I wasn’t pessimistic, just realistic.

That was when I decided that it was time I called Loyana………

Digression

Stability. That burning dot in the darkness of the night, the firefly that would forever tantalize and never come to rest any where near. A butterfly on the breeze of time that had me in hot pursuit because I’d given up trying to stand still and let it alight on my palm.

I’d look at the people that would throng the bazaars on festive days and wonder what was it that I’d missed out on? The farcical quality of their daily ministrations would give me food for thought that would ultimately be lost undigested in the realm of the subconscious because more mundane matters would over take the conscious mind.

I’d wait at bus stops forever waiting for that bus that would take me home. Buses would come packed with people but the people I was waiting for would never be on them. I’d take the bus back eking out an existence that was as boring as it was uninspiring.

In the midst of all this I’d met Loyana a few times. She’d appear out of the blue and after bringing a crashing wave of freshness into my life she’d leave just as suddenly. It was the same every time and yet it was refreshing. We never crossed the line that separated love and friendship. She wanted to I didn’t. I knew It’d take me to a place where I wouldn’t be able to return from.

I’d made that mistake already and in the end it hadn’t been pretty. Suffice it to say that I’d never do it again. But there again I went wrong and gave Loyana another reason to push me on the path to hell.