The end and the beginning

I knew she'd get me into trouble. She had that indefinable quality that makes a man want to run in two opposing directions all at once and yet stay put long enough to watch the human time bomb self destruct. She took great pleasure in harming herself. She wasn't into physical violence. She preferred assaulting your mind.
She couldn't feel emotions. Even if she could, she'd learned to push them away from her into that aura of smoke and perfume that surrounded her at all times, the kind of earthy fragrance that is woodsmoke on a cold foggy morning in the hills and the heady scent of perfume in a nightclub, the sound of fragrance crashing with sweat and the silence that follows smoke devils dying in the cold night air.
She left as soon as she came and with the sense of having left behind a part of life that would remain with me for as long i live........
Before you jump to any conclusions, I didn't make the mistake of falling in love with her. It would be the only thing I was able to do for her and perhaps the only reason that she hurt me, clawed at me and did her level best to destroy me but then when she realised that there was some thing some where inside me that she would never be able to touch she left without a trace of bitterness, realising too late that more than she hurt me she had hurt herself.
I am not going to take the moral high ground and claim that she is responsible for what I've become today. I'm not going to claim that I am innocent. She gave me a choice and in trying to walk a tight rope between sanity and surreality, I fell and I'm still trying to find the fine dividing line.
Loyana. That's not her name. But for friendship's sake I will call her that. Don't try to look for her. She's long gone. Merging into an oblivion where even the devil refuses to tread for fear of awakening her.
She simply walked in one day. The way witches waylay lords in midstride. Simply walked in and plonked herself on the table. The soft sunlight of her T-shirt glowing against the backdrop of a pale blue wall, her slim frame outlined clearly, a molten river of chocolate and warm coffee cascading down her back, caressing every alphabet of her spine in a way that bordered on the obscene. The air charged with her aura gave you the impression that a instead of a human being a panther had walked in and settled on the table and was giving off the reek of benignity while enjoying the silent consternation that it' s presence was causing.
The table was a typical brown table that you find in class rooms across the country. Sitting there she didn't look like your typical attention seeking student. She looked like what she was. A woman who grew too fast in the mind and forced her body to catch up. A woman who would push herself and as the poem goes would toss all her earnings on one roll of the dice and if she'd lose, why she'd simply pick herself up and go at it again.
Loyana looked me straight in the eye and said,"Tell me, why are you so lonely?"
With that one question ," She gave me sadness and the gift of pain, a new moon madness and a love of rain."
She was, she is, the end and the beginning.